Paul's Princess

The kiss felt as sweet as she remembered from that night. She knows she shouldn’t like a guy who already has a girlfriend, but she can’t help it. Soon, Paul’s hands were running up her arms, and J smiled inwardly as he finally surrendered. She closed her eyes a beat before his lips parted from hers suddenly. Still dizzy from the kiss and the sensation of him pulling her away from him so fast, she tried to look at him, but his eyes are searching someone else’s.

It’s your fault. You did this.

The words he spat felt like a slap in the face.

She sees him walk away from her, rushing closer to his girlfriend. She can’t deny they make a pretty duo. They’re the definition of fairy tale couple. The standard recipe to make the best love story.

If she thinks about it more, she’ll realize that they’re no fairy tale at all. They were friends all their lives, and that slowly blossomed into love. There was no passion, there; no fire. Paul didn’t meet Sweydie randomly and instantly become attracted to her. Sweydie didn’t fall in love with him at first sight.

But she did. She fell for him the moment they met, and she hasn’t turned back since. Perhaps she’s just as dramatic as everyone claims her to be, but she refuses to let him go even when his heart seems to be taken. She can’t.

Despite her best attempts, he still keeps fighting her, though. She can sense there’s some attraction there, but he’s not willing to explore it. It’s a shame, really.

He’s probably just stuck in the past, unable to move on and realize that the perfect couple probably wasn’t so perfect, after all. He can’t see that Sweydie has opened her eyes and seen that they need to move on, away from each other.

Okay, maybe she got a little unwanted help, but at least now she knows. They would’ve never worked out in the long run. They would have grown apart if it wasn’t for the night Paul came to see J. At least now it happened sooner.

J stares at the couple in white standing outside in the balcony. She watches how Paul tries to take hold of Sweydie’s hand, how he turns his concerned eyes at her, almost pleadingly. She sees the glimmer of tears tracking down the girl’s face and how she bites her lower lip to try and keep it together.

When Paul runs his thumb across her mouth, tugging at her bottom lip for Sweydie to let go, J looks away. The gesture a little too intimate to be on display for anyone else to see. There might not have been any passion or heat in their gaze. But there was one thing she couldn’t deny seeing. Love.

The kind of undying devotion she longed for, herself, despite her hating to admit it. She promised herself a long time ago that love was only for the weak. She wouldn’t be sucked in to that warped hole where everyone is able to sell their souls to be with someone. She couldn’t do that. She’d rather sell her reputation than herself. It’s much easier to let people hate you, than to let them love you and let yourself fall in love.

Her heart can’t break if it doesn’t exist. So, she lost it somewhere along her short years. Only it wasn’t gone, really. It may even had been frozen for a while, but it was still there. Regardless if she wanted it to or not.

She looked up at Paul and Sweydie one last time before turning away, and she remembers why she didn’t want a heart in the first place.

She makes her way to the bar, almost in defeat. The couple may not be that of a fairy tale, but it’s clear she’ll never be Paul’s princess.

Realization

Once again, she finds herself on the outside looking in. She sees how they’re all there, surrounding him. Friends, family, him in the middle. He’s smiling and returning warm hugs. The biggest one to his mother of course. She can’t help but smile as she is witness to the sweet gesture. Then, he turns and it’s time to face his girlfriend. She’s all smiles, but those brown eyes betray her as another tear drops. He brushes it away with his thumb and she buries her face in his hand.

The girl outside watches the spectacle, almost in disbelief at the melodrama unfolding before her eyes. She watches as he relieves his girlfriend’s trembling lips with a kiss, in reassurance.

The urge to roll her eyes at the scene before her is too great, and she does so. She turns around and starts to walk away, laughing to herself. She doesn’t believe his girlfriend is being too dramatic. No. In fact, if she’s honest with herself, she can see that she feels the same way. Sad. Scared.

Only she doesn’t get the hug and the brush of his thumb against her cheek. She most certainly does not get the kiss on the lips either. All she gets is the picture perfect goodbye that does not belong to her, as she walks away without her own.

She feels the cold against her skin, but it doesn’t compare to the ache in her heart. Looking down at the ground, she can feel her eyes water. She blinks just as soon as she hears footsteps approach her.

“Hey!” he yells. “You’re not leaving without a goodbye, are you?”

She smiles as he spins her around. He sees her tear and wipes it off. “It’s the cold wind again?” he asks if the wind is the cause of her eyes watering. She gives him a nod, despite hating to lie to him. He smiles slightly before giving her a serious look.

“Don’t go changing on me,” he whispers to her. She shakes her head no, and he hugs her warmly, tightly. She hugs him back with the same force, and she realizes everything will be okay. They won’t stop talking and he won’t forget her. Sure, she’s not anyone important in his priorities. But, while falling out of love is easier than falling in, she knows she would never have it any other way. Because he can easily forget his girlfriend while looking for a good time with some random girl who is most likely looking at his wallet than his crotch. But you can’t replace a best friend.